One of the most common scenarios students present me with is this:
"I do fine if I am introduced to women or already know them. But walking up to a stranger, dead cold, in any situation, scares the bejezus out of me. I just can not do it. What can I do to resolve this?"
Over the years, I have seen this question or variations on it more times than I can count. If you have felt shy, anxious or even afraid of women, especially beautiful ones, I can assure you that you are far from alone. In fact, I would have to say that fear and shyness around women is so common among men, it's close to being an epidemic.
Now, this "fear factor" can strike guys at different stages. For most, it has to do with the initial approach/ice breaking. For a few guys, approaching is easy, but they freeze up when it comes time to making that serious physical pass. Wherever you may be having your "fear" or "shyness" or "freezing" problem, the good news is that there are powerful solutions to this that can get you going rapidly in the direction you want, without fear, shyness or shame.
I am here to tell you that you can rapidly overcome all of this, just as thousands of guys I have taught have done. I can also assure you that this kind of fear effects guys from all walks of life, from rich to poor, from unathletic dudes to even former U.S Special Forces soldiers. Yes, I mean guys who would have no problem jumping from planes, running through mind fields and dodging bullets have flat out told me, face to face, women scare them silly. The good news, this can all be rapidly overcome with some awareness of how you are producing your shyness and fear and a little retraining of your mind.
Your Fear Is Not A "Thing"
Here is why: "fear" and "shyness" or "hesitation" are not THINGS that happen to you even though it may seem that way.
Remember we spoke in a previous issue about how a woman's "feelings" don't just happen to her by some mysterious magic, but are the result of a recipe or process she runs on herself?
It's the same for any kind of feelings, positive or negative, that anyone experiences.
Remember this rule for personal change; whatever it is that is troubling you, has a structure and a process, and that it means it can be changed, and even blown apart.
You don't have a bunch of "fear" or "shyness" or "hesitation" fluid running through your body, like transmission fluid in a car that some mind mechanic has to drain out so you can then be "confident". "Fear" or "shyness" or "hesitation" are internal mental processes that you DO to yourself.
You don't HAVE "shyness". You DO "shyness", usually so quickly and outside of your awareness of how you are doing it that it seems like something that is just happening to you.
I repeat it again: all humans have their "recipes"- internal mental processes they do to themselves that produce the final resulting "feelings" of fear, confidence, assurance, calm, etc. So you too have some internal "recipe" that produces your shyness, or hesitation or fear.
This means that by changing one or more of the elements of your recipe-how you are talking to yourself, what you are visualizing, the flow of energy in your body or your posture and breathing, the resulting "feelings" that come out the other end can be rapidly and radically changed, even if you have suffered from them for a lifetime!
Here's A Method Guaranteed To Work!
We'll examine how to do this in detail, but I want to talk about the most powerful and easily shifted element of any internal "fear" recipe. It's one that most people never even consider, but I will explain not only how to use it to immediately rid yourself of all fear and nervousness around women, but also the science behind it so you will know WHY it works.
I'm talking about the power of your breath. You can look at your breath as the single key ingredient for controlling and designing your state of mind with women. Why is this? Simply because the part of your brain that controls the fight or flight response-that rushing of adrenaline that makes you shake, get short of breath, feel jumpy and want to run from a woman, or just get passive and withdraw-that part of the brain is intimately linked to your breath.
Put simply, you cannot go into the "flight or fight" response if you learn to control your breath. Control the breath in any situation and you will remain calm; if you've studied any kind of martial arts, you already know this. By controlling your breath and cutting off the fight-flight mechanism, you activate the creative and adaptive layer of your brain, the layer of the brain that is relatively new in terms of evolution.
This layer of your brain can is the same part that helps you think on your feet, adapt to the situation in front of you, remember to try new behaviors, etc. It's also the part of your brain that lets you come up with exactly the right move or exactly the right thing to say an hour after the woman has walked away and you've already calmed down! We want you calmed down, immediately, so you can take advantage of and enjoy the new skills we'll teach you to succeed in every situation! Is this all making sense?
Can you now imagine the power of remaining totally calm, relaxed, confident and secure, in every situation with women?
Now, please remember, this is a practice. Retraining the brain takes some focus, discipline, repetition and time, but it can be done. So do this as a practice, ten minutes a day, every day, for at least the next 2-3 weeks and get ready to enjoy the results you will feel!
A Breath Practice To Destroy All Fear With Women
The first thing I want you to do is take a deep, deep breath in through your nose. Do it right now as you read this. As you breathe in, do it by expanding your rib cage and imagine you are breathing into the center of your chest. Complete the inhale by expanding your belly and pushing it out. Now hold the breath for a just a moment. Begin exhaling, also through your nose. This time, when you exhale, pull your belly toward your spine. Empty your lungs of air and at the end of the exhale, pause for just a moment. Notice how you can feel that calm moment of silence at the end of the inhale and the end of the exhale.
Ok. Here comes the piece we want to add in. This will really help totally disrupt your fear response. Take another inhale, just like last time, through the nose. This time, as you do, imagine there is a soft line of energy moving down the front of your body and imagine it pooling in the space between your belly button and your pubic bone. In the martial arts, this place is known as the hara, or t'an t'ien. Imagine it swirling there in a clockwise or counter clockwise direction. Either way will work.
When you are finished inhaling, hold the breath for just a moment and feel the calm and silence. Now, when you exhale (through the nose), pull your belly toward your spine and imagine a strong line of energy-an energy of strong will and intent-moving from the small of your back, up your spine and straight out through the top of your head. Feel the strength up your spine and your clarity of mine when you do this strong exhale.
Please note here, when I say "imagine energy" what you ought to do is see some kind of color or feel some kind of feeling-like warmth or heat or tingling, or even a combination of both. It doesn't have to be vivid or super-real; just an idea that this is happening will do.
The keys here: when you inhale, the energy you feel or imagine is soft and relaxed and moves down the front of the body. Almost like a feather brushing the surface of your skin. You imagine it gathering, pooling and swirling in the space between your belly button and pubic pone. When you exhale, the energy going up the spine is inside your body, in your spine, rather than on the surface of the skin. And it is strong AND calm. A relaxed determination. By the way, energetically speaking, this is what women mean when they say they want a guy with "backbone"!!)
They are using a metaphor to describe something that is quite "energetically "real) When you really feel this calm, relaxed, determined feeling, put the fingertip of the first finger of your right hand on the tip of your thumb and touch it gently. As the feelings increase, increase the pressure of the fingertip against the tip of your thumb. You have now created a "calm/confident' anchor for yourself, so when you find yourself in a real world situation with women that's a bit scary, simply do one of the breath cycles (inhale and exhale) as you place your thumb and finger tip together. Increase the pressure of fingertip against thumb to increase the feelings of calm, confident power. I want you to practice this breathing for 10 minutes a day, sitting comfortably or standing.
By Ross Jeffries, http://www.seduction.com/