What Women Want - Your Approval

When Women Look to You for Approval, They Look to You for Sex

Don't Give Her Approval With Compliments

Compliments are very powerful tools if used wisely, but used wrongly and very quickly your game plan falls apart because the woman you're trying so hard to "get in good with" has suddenly started to dread you.

Yep, that's right, she's started to dread you. There is nothing worse than going over the top and giving a woman too many obvious compliments. This is especially true the more intelligent, successful, and beautiful a woman gets. As one very attractive, intelligent female friend of mine put it the over-the-top, obvious compliment, "is like nails on a chalkboard."

Ug. Not what you were going for, right? Okay, so let's step back a moment; and stop you before you go wrong again in the future. Cause we've all done it, we've all been so overwhelmed by a woman's hotness that the most obvious, stupidly juvenile, worst-pick-up-line-you-can-imagine sort of compliments came spewing out of us as if we had no brain at all and were one large blob of testosterone.

Are we full of testosterone? Yes, but use that excuse and you'll keep ending up alone on your couch. If you want to get anywhere with women you have to use the larger of your two heads.

It's confusing, I know, because we hear so often that even very beautiful women have poor self-esteem. And it's true; I've seen it with my own eyes. Gorgeous women constantly picking themselves apart, feeling they never quite live up to the standard of perfection in their head - or more truthfully - in the media.

But you, my good man, are not the media, or not likely (and no, writing for some type of gaming magazine doesn't cut it). So unless you happen to be Brad Pitt's double, or are actually that very rare beast of a straight fashion photographer (I said fashion, not a wanna be "glamour" photographer who's conned a few women into posing almost nude for his myspace page) than in a woman's mind you're not an expert - not yet.

How you get to be an expert in her mind is to compliment her on the things she's secretly proud of but doesn't get complimented on enough. You win your way in by paying attention.

Let's face it, most compliments we give to women are about us, and our desire, not about the woman we're complimenting. We notice her legs, ass, breasts, hair, eyes etc. thrill us and we just have to pipe up and share. Trust me, she's not fooled for a minute. The hotter the woman the more she's used to men throwing their desire at her.

But if you take the time to actually notice her, and observe her life, she'll very quickly tell you what's going on with her, what she's proud of, what's overwhelming her Etc. Etc. Remember, women love to talk and share their feelings as a way of emotionally bonding with someone. If you can keep your lust from spilling out of your mouth for long enough she'll tell you exactly where she'd like to be noticed that no one else straight and male is.

And that's where you lob the compliment. Of course you're not going to be obvious about it, you're not going to rush in while she's complaining and say, "but you're a fabulous ____ (insert her occupation here). No, you're going to be suave and subtle. And above all you're going to give the compliment with no strings attached.

The absolutely worst way to give a woman a compliment is to expect something back from it. A compliment with an emotional (please love me back), or sexual (please sleep with me), attachment isn't a compliment, it's verbal desperation, and desperation of any kind does nothing but repel sane women.

So if you can't give a compliment without adding your yearning to it, don't give it. Wait until you've pulled yourself together and can give the compliment with no expectations.

Then watch, listen and learn what a woman really wants to be complimented before you casually toss one at her. A well observed but rare compliment is far more powerful than an obvious one - in her mind it means you've really seen her, not just her image. Hone these skills and women will be looking forward to what you've got to say about them, not dreading it.

When women look to you for approval, they're only two drinks away from looking to you for sex.

Because that's what they really want.